tearful tuesday by Marisa Bernhard

tearful tuesday

Sometimes I fill the air with the language in my head-

With words that are not my own but that were borrowed…

I see in their eyes how awkward I’ve become

Hmm, the last place I want to be is here in front of people

The words were adopted from a speech I heard – clever, I thought….

 It went over their heads – so I stood there awkwardly embarrassed

Shut up, shut up, shut up, no one wants to hear you.

This is easy – I can simply put words on paper —  Are you a poet or a writer… I don’t know.

I sat in a chair,  no one came – it’s ok, I wasn’t expecting company –

I wasn’t properly dressed for a visit

Convoluted triggers and glimmers spun inside my brain….I tried to separate the good and bad.

Today, the tears flow out so easily without permission, uninvited- pausing for a minute, I chose to plant some seeds in the rain … choosing possibility over paralysis.

Over and over, my worth is reduced to a timestamp  –

Twenty-five years or not, don’t you dare close that chapter-

My precious, you are not immune to my fate; the wrath will scorn you for being invisible one day.

This is just a tearful tuesday –