Last night, meaning Sunday night, I went to bed exhausted and a little bummed.
I wanted to get a head start writing for NaBloPoMo for July….I have the best intentions, and that is to punch out two or three posts on the weekends; so I that I can just schedule my posts on the selected day, well that never happens, but I do aim high. This idea helps no one, except stresses me out and makes me feel guilty.
Having said all of that, I went to bed thinking about this month’s theme for NaBloPoMo: Decade; it is to commemorate 10 years of Blogher’s service.
However, it is also a perfect subject to express what has happened to me in the past 10 years.
Continuing back to Sunday night:
So do you know that time, when you are right at that point before you fall asleep? At that moment I heard a voice; not a familiar voice, like my voice or my husband’s, but a male voice clear and young but not a boys voice say to me, “ it’s the past leave it behind you, it is where it belongs!” I remember in my sleepy state I reasoned with this message – why not I thought, I am stressed, and fearful, and at times filled with such sadness that I could ever want to wish on my worse enemy.
At some point, I was able to negotiate with that voice, about my writing quest; and that is; yes agreed, the past is in the past; I should leave it there where it belongs. However, the last decade has made me the woman I am today.
Regardless of the message or warning, I will write and pour my heart out onto my desk and take care of it finally. – Maybe it will be hard and then again maybe not – Or it could be I will realize that the last 10 years was not as bad as I thought, and bearing my heart and soul is not needed.
Perhaps all I need to do is just process what happened; make peace move on and to prove that it did happen. Leave it in the past and face the next years confidently.
I often think that the last ten years are my own defining years. A lot has happened, nothing tragic, some disappointments, major changes, and many compromises. Throughout it all I kept on going I don’t think I ever stopped to reflect what occurred. Yet to this day I eagerly spew blame and regret because of my past.
This will be a perfect opportunity to make peace and leave it behind me- where it belongs.
Just today I read a quote that read " You can't move forward with one foot stuck in the past"..
great post
Thank you that is so true …. something at one point has to give; right? thanks for visiting
Sounds like you figured it out ….all by yourself
I want to thank you for being such a loyal follower, Marisa…
It means a lot to me…
Sorry I don't always get over here to visit….
Enjoy your week…the 4th…and no tornadoes!
Cheers!
Linda :o)
oh Linda i am always figuring it out… your welcome, i love popping over to your neck of the woods it feels like a nice visit, so welcoming; i imagine that is how it would feel visiting you for real… like I can picture you actually saying welcome, towels on that bench over there and the pool is warm hang out, drinks in the cooler and we'll have lunch soon but for now I have some hummus and chips to snack on LOL 🙂 always a pleasure having visit too! 🙂