Ten Things of Thankful-Slight Adjustments
Holy moly! If there is any week in history, or for me, that the 10 thankfuls needed to be expressed, last week was the week.
I was sad over the death of Robin Williams, to the point that I couldn’t post anything on Facebook or Twitter that was witty, like a clip, or a quote that belonged to him, all I did was simply write “Rest in Peace, Robin Williams, (I think that’s what I wrote).
I overheard a conversation disrespecting another individual by using a certain word that was callous. I thought that maybe it was because this person had limited vocabulary usage – of course, also has a mean streak with no regards of the impact this conversation may cause.
Long Island was hit with a record rainfall, which created flooded areas and made the commute to work and back home close to impossible in some parts.
On Thursday night, an old ghost appeared in the form of an email that put me in a spiraling downfall of regrets and fears, which only continued until the next morning – almost short-lived.
All of the things that I just mentioned remind me that at times I am more disappointed than I am not.
My thinking becomes a pile, of thoughts on top of one another and then I feel bad, hence the spiraling descent to “leave me alone”, and “it’s not fair”. I feel badly about many stupid things that I cannot change. Which includes things that infuriates me, but still cannot change, and then it is tagged along with things that just makes me sad. By this time, I know I cannot do anything about what has happened, and I make myself focus on more of the positive; they are there.
One of my sadder moods was because I feel bad for my kids – this summer they have been such terrific troopers. They do what they are told to do and go with the flow – it is so hard to have two working parents during the summer.
On Wednesday, a mom of Amelia’s friend, called my cell phone at work to remind me that she was having a get together for her daughter, and was Amelia still coming. It was Wednesday and I could have gone at lunch to bring my daughter to the party. But because many of the roads were closed due to the flash flooding, I wasn’t sure if I could do it in an hour, so with strict instructions that were dictated by cell phones and texts and were followed exactly, Amelia was dressed nicely, picked up by the mom, and had a great time at the party with her girlfriends.
First, I am thankful to everyone that helped her get to the party. Sometimes my kids just need a break following the rules, and need to have fun with their friends – her friend is moving and they both wanted to say goodbye to each other.
Second, about the flash floods, I am thankful that we were not affected by it, and both my husband’s and my commute were uneventful. Having said all of that, some of the areas that were hit were not that far away, maybe 20 minutes away. I am really thankful, because it could have easily been us.
Third, I am thankful that I can see an unkind person and I know I want nothing do to with this person even though it makes me unpopular.
Here is the thing, perhaps the deaths of two well-known, and respected individuals put me in a blah mood – it possibly reminded me of our ownfragility and of my own mortality, and maybe once the spiraling thoughts started I knew if I jumped off the cliff it would help no one, and would only make things worse.
What I mean by jumping off the cliff is, I was very close to doing or saying something that would only create more tension. My direct approach has never been, or will ever be considered as being smooth. Therefore, I crawled away from the edge, and interrupted my ego by giving her candy in the form of Pinterest, yes Pinterest.
Forth – thank you Pinterest – maybe looking at the pretty pictures put me in a better mood.
What I realized while on Pinterest was that I cannot conform any longer to everyone’s image of what I should be. One morning last week when I woke, I was furious, and truthfully, it was my fault. Why was I angry; because I have this deep feeling that this thing of “my so called life” is not my life, it’s not what I envision, yet I know it is my life and adjustments are needed – notice how I used adjustments and not changes – at this point I would not change anything, except making slight modifications. In addition, the slight alterations is all me.
Ego and Heart agreed on one thing that morning – who I say I am is not the real me – I am a free-spirit that will not compromise any longer – I am an easy-going soul that is passionate and will stand to any cause.
Including not allowing anyone talking badly about another person, perhaps the person will be wise to this and stop talking. I have compromised too many times; compromising is a funny thing, because once it is allowed it takes over every aspect of your life – think about it; friendships, work/career, parenting, and relationships. I’m not sure how to stop it except I think with a new attitude showing that I will not accept any terms that people other than me want to instill. Wow, Pinterest really did that; yes it did, an Aha moment.
Fifth – I am not afraid anymore, the free-spirited me is like; what will be – will be (che sarà, sarà). Worry I will do, but afraid I will not be anymore. It is crippling.
Sixth – life is too short, enjoy it with the ones your with – I had three great days; since my “Aha moment” it was perfect.
Seventh – We had a wonderful night at the beach on Friday evening, a bit chilly – pizza was good – kids were happy and adults were smiling – it was followed by a quick stop at Ralph’s Ices. Thank you town beach for making me feel like I’m on a mini vacation.
Eight – Pringles potato chips are the best when you want to feel like you are on vacation – I only buy them when we go away, so it was fitting to bring Pringles cans to the beach on Friday night.
Ninth- Thank you James for letting me borrow your laptop, so that I can bring it with me to the library, while Amelia had her literacy lesson. I was able to get to work on my Thankfuls, and other things blog related. I also got do one of my favorite things; that is people watch – I quickly wrote about someone sitting there. Maybe it will be a future post…maybe.
Tenth– Thank you for keeping us all safe.
I decided that the blog I will use for the Ten Thankful Things would be Squaarekat – I think it would benefit the Thankfuls better and make more sense – I also feel that Mangia, Mangia…No Talk should be for my recipes, my love of food, and my desire to feed everyone that comes to my table. I hope that is okay.
Writing a list of thankfuls really helps clear the head when less than thankful things have happened in a week. You illustrated that perfectly. Glad you were safe from the flash flooding, and that your daughter was able to go visit her friend in spite of the detailed choreography it took to get her there. And we always get Pringles on vacations, too!
it does – I think since I have committed to joining the weekly Thankfuls I do focus more on the silver-linings.
Yay to Pringles – vacation chips LOL!
Of course it's OK to use this blog for your thankfuls! I'm glad you are not afraid anymore. I think it is possible to live according to one's convictions–even if the views are not popular–and be able to convey those views without malice. However, not everyone plays by those rules, and sometimes it is necessary to distance oneself from an unkind person. Hang in there.
Number three is huge. There are, for better or worse, people in out lives that are simply mean and there is no requirement that they be indulged or otherwise tolerated. (At the Doctrine) we sometimes speak of 'the tale we tell ourselves' referring to how much of our lives is based on expectations (both our own and others).
Good Post. Glad you joined us.
There is so much to think about in this post, Marisa, but because of time and space, I will mention the thing that stood out for me the most: compromise, which can prevent major disagreements, stifle a list of accusations, and kill the good of many, does have its drawbacks, as well, and as you said, sometimes, compromising too much, may inflict self-doubt, regret, and a host of other introspective challenges. For the most part, my compromises, the smaller ones, have had a positive effect on my life, but the biggest ones, although practical, have injured my soul. We can't have it all, can we?
Poppy
it is those reminders of not playing by the rules that get to me – and I am not understanding- seeing a callous behavior awarded can be frustrating yet I take the high road or try to anyway- (insert evil giggle) 🙂
I agree the smaller compromises have had a positive effect on my life as well, but wouldn't you agree that it was a choice that we decided. I think the compromises that injured my soul are the ones that came from another source (maybe compromise is not the right word). maybe we can't have it all – TY
Thank you for visiting and hope to see you more often- the truth is mean people …well you know. what happens being near a mean person is it just becomes draining and their words are binding there is no control of what they say but I can control how I react – and although they want a reaction, not reacting is more frustrating – i choose to walk away 🙂